Activision Anthology

-Activision (2002)



A collection of the good old classics from the Atari.

My Thoughts

When I was in elementary school, before I bought my beloved Nintendo Entertainment System, I was over at a friendís house a few times a week to play Atari games. Now, after playing through this disc, I realize that many of the games we played over and over were made by Activision.

Activision Anthology contains over 45 games from the old Atari 2600 and 7800 systems. A lot of these games are still very good, even with all the sophistication of the games I play now, I can go into some of these games and have just as much fun.

This disc is worth buying just for the games, but it also contains a bunch of unlockable goodies, like box art, hilariously bad commercials, and patches that were at one time given to those with high scores. Thatís back when high scores actually mattered in a game.

The ďmenuĒ interface feels weird at first. The screen is set-up like someoneís room from the 80s, complete with recognizable songs of the era. To play a game, you choose a cartridge from a rotating rack and stick it in the Atari. It takes a little getting used to, but after a few games it works fine. What I canít stand though are the constant Pitfall sound effects whenever you choose and start a game. They become annoying very quickly.

You could play the games normally but then youíd be missing out on an opportunity to destroy your mind. There are fifteen other game modes that will undoubtedly drive you insane. These include: playing on a cube, nine smaller screens, tilting, ripples and blurs during gameplay, and seizure-inducing flashes of light.     

As for the games, a lot of them are classics that still have plenty of playability even today. I now give you the games of Activision Anthology.

Atlantis: Destroy Imperial Star Destroyers and Federation Starships that are invading The Lost City.

Barnstorming: Become a crazy old man and fly your bi-plane through barns.

Boxing: Racial tensions rise as a white squiggle and a black squiggle beat the crap out of each other.

Checkers: Checkers. Thatís about it.

Chopper Command: Helicopters love trucks. Protect the trucks.

Cosmic Commuter: Pick up space tourists as you pull up on your phallic cruiser.

Crackpots: Giant spiders are trying to eat your house! Smash them with you momís flower pots!

Dolphin: Seagulls make dolphins invincible.

Dragster: Make your dragsterís engine explode again and again.

Enduro: Endure racing during sudden season shifts.

Fishing Derby: Oh boyÖ itís a fishing game.

Freeway: Assist ducks in their suicides on the freeway.

Frostbite: Build an igloo by jumping on floating sheets of ice. It makes sense, really it does.

Grand Prix: Race a wheeled canoe down the road.

H.E.R.O.: Rescue people trapped in caves with your copter pack and laser eyes! This is an excellent early platformer game.

Ice Hockey: Simplistic hockey for simplistic people.

Kaboom!: Get blown-up by the Hamburgler.

Keystone Kapers: Criminals canít escape the might of mall security.

Laser Blast: Obliterate the defenses of the good people of Earth.

Megamania: By order of the High Council you will take your Klingon Battle Cruiser and engage blocky alien vessels.

Oink!: Build a wall to stop a laser-spitting wolf.

Pitfall!: Successfully avoid rolling logs, crocodile heads, and gaping holes, but have all your hopes and dreams come to an end from a lowly scorpion.

Pitfall 2: Find your way to the spazing monkey.

Plaque Attack: Protect your eight remaining teeth from juicy burgers and cavity causing candy.

Pressure Cooker: Make delicious hamburgers bigger than your head.

Private Eye: When a private dick gets hit by a bird, his car tires go flat.

River Raid: Destroy the publicís only way across the river.

River Raid 2: Find that harmonic balance between altitude and speed.

Seaquest: Submarines need an ample supply of oxygen to survive in the water.

Skiing: Ski the slope in a world without snow bunnies.

Sky Jinks: Avoid the most dangerous things in the sky: hot air balloons.

Spider Fighter: Balls burst into gross spiders.

Stampede: Round up them cattle with a magic lasso.

Starmaster: Fly aimlessly through space, never encountering another ship.

Tennis: Hit a rectangle over a solid white wall and repeat.

Title Match Pro Wrestling: Slam random men on the mat to your heartís content.

Baseball: Just try to actually play this game.

Beamrider: Shoot random objects with your ship equipped with an Aerobie gun. 

Bridge: Play a game that only old people know.

Commando: Shoot your big manly gun at all the purple headed men.

Decathlon: Work your stick to win the gold!

Demon Attack: Flying demons drizzle stuff on your pink fleshy thing.

Moonsweeper: Attack your local solar system for no reason.

Robot Tank: Tanks can shoot you without pointing their turrets at you.

Space Shuttle: Am I supposed to be doing something in this game?

Tomcat: The F-14 Simulator: This is in no way a flight simulator.

Kabobber: Gangs of blue things, green things, and orange things eat each other to protect their turf. I think.

Thwocker: A happy purple head with a bowtie bounces on walls.

Score: 8.0