Top Ten Facts About the Grills of Men

A Weber grill appeared as a character for a short time on the popular animated series "Care Bears" in the 1980s. It was taken off the show after numerous children severely burned themselves.

The history of mankind is marked by several crucial turning points. The fate of whole civilizations has rested on the actions of certain individuals like Ben Franklin’s favorite French whore, or inventions that have changed the way that humankind developed, like the creation of the spork. One invention in particular that has changed the way that men have lived forever is the Weber grill.  

What can be manlier than a Weber grill? It sits just outside your home, a phallic, black metal device of dreams, ready to help you eat some steaks or burgers. Ever seen a woman use a Weber grill? If you have I bet you she was wearing a flannel sweater. Grilling on a classic Weber grill is one of the few times when the misogynic male may still reign supreme. Sure, eating a piece of meat grilled over hot coal briquettes is a good way to ingest carcinogens, but damn it all, that’s the price you pay for a great steak. With springtime upon us and the warm days of summer and the fatty meats of our future ahead, let’s take a brief look at the glory of the classic Weber grill. 

The Weber grill has a long and storied history that few truly know in full. Its origins are shrouded in mystery and are closely guarded by an ancient order of monks throughout the ages. Historians can only work with selected texts and stories they’ve managed to piece together, because the monks are jerks and won't return phone calls. Here is a list of the ten most rarely known facts and trivia about the grill of all grills: 

1) The Weber grill’s earliest known use was by ancient Aztecs to grill a sausage made of the brains, hearts, and intestines of their sacrificial victims. We now know this meat product as bologna.

2) Weber grills played an important role in the American Revolutionary War, as the grill was one of the items that crossed the Potomac with George Washington. (Years earlier, Washington had famously chopped down a charcoal tree, leading to his obsession with grilling.) Unfortunately, during the particularly harsh winter of 1777, when the starving soldiers ran out of rations and Indians, they were forced to eat the grill itself. 

3) Not only can a Weber grill be used for good, but it also can be used for evil following the age old adage, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

4) Weber grills have made history in the world of politics when the first ever female Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, used the age old symbols of power (the golden spatula and tongs) and began grilling the first brats of the 2007 congressional year. 

5) If you look deep into a man's soul, you'll see a Weber grill staring back at you.

6) Weber grills were the first grill to make it into space. While it was a Russian mission that took the grill, it actually had been stolen by a KGB super spy, so the matter is a little confusing as to if it could be considered an American grill or not. However, it was an American mission that was first in bringing the Weber grill to the moon where they finally settled the scientific debate of whether you could grill on the surface of the moon. 

7) 1.5 acres of rainforest are destroyed for every one time a Weber grill is used, but it is so worth it.

8) The Vampire Chronicles books are based on author Anne Rice's disturbing experiences with Weber grills.

9) Among the more widely known items sealed in President's Lincoln's sarcophagus (three chimpanzees, a tuning fork, his mistress, and pieces of the Gettysburg UFO) was a Weber grill and seventy five pounds of raw beef.

10) A Weber Grill appears in every single one of Alfred Hitchcock’s movies.

- Paul - 04/25/07

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